Sometimes plans don’t work out & thats ok.

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In our final year in University a Lecturer asked us where we see ourselves in 5 years . Nearly everyone saw themselves prospering at something they love.

Fast forward to 5 years after University and my life is nothing I thought it would be, I did not find myself prospering at my desired career. Instead I graduated from University and found myself struggling to find a solid job. I was doing low paying freelance gigs and barely getting by.  I felt like such a failure because I had not lived up to my expectations.

I saw my peers prosper and get ahead in their fields whilst I struggled to find stability in my chosen field. I became really depressed to the point were I stopped caring about my wellbeing, I went out a lot and used a lot of recreational drugs.  I wanted to die than accept that my life had come to this reality. It dawned on me that my depression does not come from my struggles, it came from my perception of my reality.

“To resist reality is to resist life and when you resist life you start to die slowly inside”

—A Cry For Help

Life will not always go as planned, we can resist our reality or learn to deal with our ordeal. Maybe like me you are in your late twenties and your life has not gone the way you thought it would.

There is no special age for having your shit together, I think that society created this order of life that we all have to follow and when our lives fall out of that order  we feel like there is something wrong with us. There is nothing wrong with you if you are unmarried at 30.  It is not wrong to be broke at 28 because you are not making enough money. There is no shame in moving back home at 33 because your business did not make it and your Marriage did not survive.

Life happens, sometimes things do not work out, you  have to pick yourself up and keep it moving. You cant torture yourself about what other people will think about your struggles because, those people have their own problems. Everyone wears a facade that makes them seem to have it all together when in fact they have worries and concerns like the rest of us.

“Do you ever notice how when you greet people, most people always say they are doing well, no one ever says I’m not fine”

—A Cry For Help

The point I’m making is that we are gonna have a lot of disappointments in life and if we cant even cope with were  we are at this moment then life will be incredibly hard.

At the end all we can do is make peace with the way things are and do our best to better our lives. This is life and we are living it the best we can.  Our struggles are an indication that we are living because if we were not faced with difficulty then it would mean that we haven’t tried to accomplish anything  at all.

Cheer up and live your life because life is not about the destination its about our experiences right now. What ever you are facing today in this very moment, that is life. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you have to find joy in your experiences today.

Let Go and Move On

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“Your life is being wasted daily waiting for someone who is living their life. “

-A Cry For Help

I met a guy in college who I became so infatuated with, I did not know him personally but I found myself so captivated by him. It was a lost cause because we were in our final year in university and the odds of us meeting were slim. We finished varsity and went on with our lives and  I still couldn’t get him out of my mind.  I was so into him I convinced myself the reason its gone on for so long was because we were meant to be together.

I was infatuated with him and could not even consider the reality that he may not feel the same way about me. My friend and I finally ran into him 3 years later in a pub. We exchanged numbers and afterwards I learned that he was unavailable. We made attempts to hang  out with him but he made it quiet clear he was in a committed relationship.

I was gutted, because I was not getting what I wanted, all my fantasies and hopes were crushed because the guy I liked did not like me back. I Drank off the disappointment with friends and tried to move on painfully.

Reality hit home and I realised that even if I keep holding on to hope it wont change a thing.

The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did.

—Faraaz Kazi

I deleted his phone number and stopped following him on Facebook. They were necessary steps to take because the more I kept being exposed to him the longer it would have taken me to move on with my life.

I realised  that you cant force someone to like you, you have to accept their choice and let it go.

It is important to remember your self worth, you have to know that  something not working out does not diminish who you are as a person.

When we like someone we create this whole fantasy in our heads of how we would like things to go with that other person. When it does not go our way we struggle to walk away from an illusion we created in our head in the first place.

Never love something so much that you can’t let go of it.

—Ginni Rometty

We are so attached to the fantasy we wont even try and consider the possibility of what lies ahead when we do move on and let go.

It may feel like he / she is the one for you but honey, there are so many people out there that you could meet if you can finally bring yourself to closing that chapter.

The longer you hold on to that person , the longer you keep yourself from moving on. Your life is being wasted daily waiting for someone who is living their life.

Would you like to reach the end of your life knowing that you wasted a portion of it waiting for someone who didn’t want you, that would be tragic.

You can live without that person, the fact that you are still here today is an indication of that. You are not dead, your heart is still beating even with their absence in your  life, yes you can and will move on.

You will know you have moved on when you start being aware of the people around you. When you start receiving what life is putting in front of you, you will be making progress.

Don’t beat yourself up, we will meet a lot of people in the world and some of them will like us and some won’t.  That does not take away from who we are as people. We are awesome human beings who deserve to live a happy life.